A Mother's Love
by Countrygirl09
Summary: This story takes place about 13 years after the show ended. Amy is turning 15 and she finally gets the chance to see the movie Jen made for her before she died. I'm not sure if my dates are right but I'm saying that Amy was almost two when Jen died. R&R!
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I lay no claim on Dawson's Creek or any of its characters… I'm using them for the sole purpose of our entertainment.

A Mother's Love

Summary: This story takes place about 13 years after the show ended. Amy is turning 15 and she finally gets the chance to see the movie Jen made for her before she died. Please R&R.

A/N: Just a warning, I've already written a few chapters and they're really long so sorry ahead of time if you get bored easily with big chapters…

Chapter 1 

Amy and her best friend Carmen were walking home from school on yet another tiring day at Capeside High. They were deeply engrossed in a conversation about the cutest guy in ninth grade and how much they wished he'd notice them when Carmen changed the subject. "So Amy, have you decided what you're going to do for your birthday?"

"I'm not totally sure but my dad said he wanted to do something special with me on my exact birthday on Sunday. I just have to ask but I think I'm going to have a party on Friday and Saturday."

"Cool. Any idea what he's planning?"

"Not really. I don't think it's a party but it's definitely a family thing and it has to be important because Uncle Dawson is flying in from LA for it."

"Wow, it must be important; not saying that he doesn't fly in for every birthday but it sounds official to me."

"Yeah I know."

The girls were nearing Amy's house – a beautiful two-story beach house where she lived with Jack and Doug. "Okay well I guess I'll see you tomorrow," Carmen said as they slowed to a stop at the walk leading to the house.

"Yeah later girl." They hugged and Amy watched as her friend walked toward her own house three houses down. She shivered as the chilly March winds blew through her and then hurried to the front door.

Jack had told Amy he was staying late at school to get some papers graded and Doug never got home before 5:30 so Amy had the house to herself for a while. She took that time to get as much of her homework done as possible mainly because that was when she worked best but also because she knew she wouldn't get much of anything done after her parents got home.

  

About an hour later, Jack got home. "Amy!" he called up the stairs after seeing she was nowhere in sight downstairs, "Are you up there?"

"Yeah Dad, I'll be right down," came the reply.

Jack busied himself in the kitchen preparing dinner, knowing Doug would be home shortly and he would be starving. Jack smiled. He knew Doug too well but then again who wouldn't after being married to the man for ten years?

Jack was brought out of his thoughts as Amy came down the stairs and walked into the kitchen. "What do you want me to do?"

"Well you could start peeling the potatoes while I start the pork chops."

"Okay." The two working in silence for the next few minutes and soon they heard Doug's car pull into the driveway. The sheriff walked into the kitchen a minute later. "Hey guys," he said tiredly, kissing first Amy then Jack before proceeding to ask how their day was.

"Tiring," Jack answered.

"Hectic," Amy added.

"Sounds like mine."

"Did the bad guys give you a hard time today Dougie?" Amy asked.

"Yeah sweetie… when don't they?"

"Good point."

"So do you guys need any help in here?"

"No I think we've got it covered right Amy? When she nodded Jack continued, "Dinner should be ready really soon."

"Okay well I'm going to go take off my shoes and wash up," Doug replied walking out of the room.

  

A half-hour later the family sat down to dinner. Amy took the opportunity to bring up the topic of her birthday.

"So Dad, Doug, what's going on for my birthday? I know we're doing something special on Sunday but I was hoping I could have a party Friday night or Saturday."

"There's no problem with that just no sleepovers if you decide on Saturday. Also could you please keep it a little low-key this year? You can save the wild party for your 16th next year."

"Okay… can I invite some friends over on Friday and have a Movie Night?"

"Sure."

"Thanks! So is it just wasting my time to ask what the plans are for Sunday?"

"Well sweetie, your Dad and I and even Uncle Pacey, Aunt Joey and Uncle Dawson think that it's best that you wait until we're all together," Doug told her.

"Well are Evie and Kyle coming?" Amy asked referring to her cousins – Joey and Pacey's kids.

"No," Jack replied then after seeing a protest forming on Amy's face continued, "What we have planned is just for you. They wouldn't understand if they came but don't worry we'll plan something that includes them for later on because I'm sure you don't want to include a seven-year-old and a four-year-old for your movie night."

Amy accepted the decision wordlessly. "So you guys aren't going to crack on this are you even thought I'm sure you can see how much it's driving me _crazy_ not knowing."

"Sorry Amy, but believe me, you'll be glad we waited to tell you by Sunday," Doug told her.

Amy rolled her eyes and stood up to start washing the dishes.

TBC


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer: I don't own Dawson's Creek or any of its characters – I'm just borrowing them for the story.

Chapter 2

It was Friday, the day of Amy's birthday party and as promised she kept it low key, only inviting her closest friends. Carmen was there, of course, but Amy had also invited Abby and Alisha, who were twins, and Karen. The five girls spent the night giggling and gossiping over the latest couples and breakups as well as cute guys at Capeside High.

At 9:00, all the gossip stopped and the girls settled in the living room, in front of the wide screen TV to watch movies. Amy had picked up Dawson's tradition of Movie Night after all the times he spent watching ET and Jaws when she was little even though Jack warned him she'd have nightmares. But he was wrong the only thing Amy ever got was her uncle's love for movies.

"So Amy, have you found out _anything_ about Sunday night?" Alisha asked as the previews at the beginning of the movie started.

"No. I've asked Aunt Joey, my dad, Doug and even Uncle Pacey who can NEVER keep a secret but no one will say anything. It's really bugging me."

"Well knowing your family," Carmen put in, "It's probably something cheesy like a family party or a movie night."

"No… I don't think so. If that was the case, why aren't Evie and Kyle allowed to come?"

Carmen shrugged and Karen spoke up. "I'm sure whatever it is will be totally fun and worth the wait."

"Yeah," the rest of the girls agreed.

Amy silently agreed with them and everyone quieted as the movie started.

A/N: This is going to be like the shortest chapter and I'm sorry if dragging on and on about Amy and her friends wondering what Sunday night is all about is getting boring. Don't worry that's over and I'm getting on with the rest of the story. Reviews please!


	3. Chapter 3

Disclaimer: I don't own Dawson's Creek or any of its characters. I'm just using them for the sole purpose of our entertainment.

A/N: Just so you all know… the words italics is the whole speech that Jen put on the video.

Chapter 3

Sunday arrived quicker that Amy had anticipated. Before she knew it, she was helping Jack and Doug prepare lunch for the family.

The plan was to have lunch after everyone arrived, open up gifts and then Amy would find out what was so important about them gathering today.

At 11:00, the doorbell rang and Amy opened the door revealing Pacey and a very pregnant Joey. "Happy birthday, Amy!" they called.

"Thanks guys," Amy replied, "let me take your coats." They obliged and as Amy hung them in the closet, Pacey helped his wife to the couch. When Amy came back over she said, "Uncle Pacey, Dad and Doug are in the kitchen…"

"Well I know when I'm not wanted," he replied feigning hurt. He leaned down, gave Joey a peck on the lips, and then headed into the kitchen.

The Amy looked at her aunt and they both started laughing at Pacey's antics. When they'd recovered from their laughter, Amy started to talk. "So Aunt Joey…"

Joey didn't even give her the chance to finish. "Amy for the last time I'm not telling you anything, so just stop trying."

"No I seriously wasn't going to ask this time. I was going to ask where Kyle and Evie are."

"Oh okay… sorry about that sweetie but you haven't laid off in the last few days so don't blame me. Your cousins are with Bessie. She offered to watch them… something about there's no life around the B&B now that Alexander, Lily and you are older."

"Yeah… it used to be so much fun going over there to play," Amy said reliving her childhood. The doorbell rang, causing Amy to jump but she called, "I'll get it!" because she knew who it would be.

She ran over to the door and threw it open. She was in Dawson's arms before he even had a chance to greet her with a "Happy Birthday."

The California filmmaker hugged his niece, "Hey Amy. Happy Birthday," he said after a minute.

"Thanks Uncle Dawson… I've missed you."

"I know. Two months is way too long," Dawson replied realizing yet again just how much he loved this girl who reminded him so much of Jen.

As Amy stepped out of the way to allow Dawson to enter the house, Jack walked out of the kitchen. "Well Dawson, since you're here, lunch is ready."

  

Amy sat down at the table, not sure if she could eat anything now. She knew whatever was happening today would happen as soon as they got done eating and for some reason, she was getting nervous. She kept quiet and did her best to eat while the adults got caught up.

"So Joey," Dawson was asking, "you're eight months along now, right?"

"Yeah and let me tell you, this kid is a pain to carry, much worse than his brother and sister. He keeps me up at all hours of the night, kicking and punching and just about anything else he can think of."

"He sounds just like his father… annoying," Dawson replied humorously.

"I know," Joey replied suppressing her laughter, "I'm just afraid of what's going to happen AFTER he's born… one Pacey and his bad influence on Kyle is bad enough but another one? I'm not so sure I can handle that."

"Hey!" Pacey protested while everyone else laughed.

"Don't worry sweetheart," Joey stated, leaning over and kissing his cheek, "I still love you."

"Well that's good to know."

After that the conversation steered toward Jack's job as an English teacher and Amy's updates of her school life. She answered everyone's questions automatically, without much thought – her thoughts were too focused on what was about to happen.

As lunch ended and the table was cleared, everyone congregated around the TV in the living room. Amy took a little time to open the gifts everyone brought. When she finished, Jack disappeared momentarily and returned holding a videotape. The group immediately hushed as Jack took a seat next to Amy on the couch.

"Amy," he began, "you remember what we've all told you about your mom, right?"

"Yeah," she replied hesitantly, "She died when I was a baby from a heart disorder right?"

"Yes. But there's one thing none of us have ever told you. We were waiting for you to get old enough to understand better."

"What?" the now 15-year-old asked, more curious than ever.

"Well, after we all found out that your mom was dying, she decided to enlist Uncle Dawson and his camcorder to make you a movie. I've kept this," Jack continued holding up the tape, "even since she made it and promised that someday when I thought you were old enough, that I would let you see it."

"And I'm guessing that today is that day."

"Yes." Jack stood up and motioned for Doug to turn off the lights. He turned on the TV, put the tape in the VCR and hastily returned to his seat. As he sat, he saw her. Sitting in the wheelchair in the hospital garden in her pink tank top and light brown jacket, Jen was beautiful, just as beautiful as he remembered.

Jack glanced around the room and saw everyone in a trance. Aside from pictures, this was the first time any of them had seen her in13 years. Jack looked at Amy to see the girl's reaction. She was leaning forward taking in the sight of her mother and the sound of her voice. Seeing that so far Amy was taking everything well, Jack leaned back and closed his eyes, listening to the sound of Jen's voice talking to her daughter.

_Hi Amy, it's Mom. Well, by the time you see this, I won't be here anymore and I know how much that sucks, for both of us. So seeing as how I won't be around to thoroughly annoy you, I thought I would give you a little list of the things that I wish for you._

_Well, there's the obvious: an education, family, friends and a life that is full of the unexpected. Be sure to make mistakes. Make a lot of them because there's no better way to learn and to grow, all right? And um, I want you to spend a lot of time at the ocean because the ocean forces you to dream and I insist that you, my girl, be a dreamer. _

_God. I've never really believed in God. In fact, I've spent a lot of time and energy trying to disprove that God exists. But I hope that you are able to believe in God, because the thing that I've come to realize, sweetheart... is that it just doesn't matter if God exists or not. The important thing is for you to believe in something, because I promise you that that belief will keep you warm at night and I want you to feel safe always. _

_And then there's love. I want you to love to the tips of your fingers and when you find that love, wherever you find it, whoever you choose, don't run away from it. But you don't have to chase after it either. You just be patient and it'll come to you, I promise and when you least expect it, like you, like spending the best year of my life with the sweetest and the smartest and the most beautiful baby girl in the world. You don't be afraid, sweetheart. And remember to love is to live. _

As the screen faded out, everyone remained still and silent as if letting the scene of Jen sink in. None of them had heard that voice since she died and it was a lot to take in.

Finally, Amy broke the silence. "Wow, she really loved me didn't she?"

"Yeah she did," Pacey answered his voice distant. "I don't know about anyone else, but once when she was lying in that hospital bed, she started crying because she didn't want you to be left alone after she was gone. I had to assure her that we'd all be there for you and that you'd always have someone."

"She told me to make sure that you had a place to fit in, to belong," Jack added.

"Why?" Amy asked a little confused.

"Well Amy," Dawson put in, "Your mom was, how do I put this – a troublemaker."

"That's an understatement!" Joey exclaimed. "When she first moved here from New York, I couldn't stand her. She took Uncle Dawson away from me just as I was starting to realize my feelings for him. Then if that's not bad enough, she and Uncle Pacey here," Joey gestured by hitting his stomach, "decided to randomly hook-up whenever they felt it was needed just when I started having feelings for him!!" The whole group laughed over the memories but Amy was more confused than ever.

"Why did she do that? Was my mom a bad person?"

"No sweetie," Joey assured her. "Your mom was just a hard person for me to like. She gave me a lot of competition but she also forced me to fight for what I wanted. Jen was the best thing that happened in my life."

"Hold on guys," Jack said, "we're missing the whole point here." He turned to Amy. "Your mom was very different from everyone else in Capeside. She referred to herself as the misfit… the instigator. She wanted so much more for you… she didn't want you to follow in her footsteps and act like she did."

Doug, who had been sitting quiet through all of this because he hadn't really been a part of group all those years ago, interjected at this. "From what I heard, those shoes weren't all that bad at times. What about when you first came out of the closet Jack?"

"You're right there Doug. Jen was the only one I could turn to for some time. When everyone else was snubbing me for being gay, Jen was my best friend. She was my only source of support and comfort for a while… I don't know how I would have ever survived without her back then."

"She gave us so much… I feel like we never really repaid her," Joey said.

"No, I think we did repay her," Dawson replied thoughtfully. "We were her friends AND we're raising Amy for her, just like she wanted. You know Amy, your mom might not be here anymore but you've got all five of us plus my mom, Bessie, Andie, Audrey and even Lily and Alexander. You can come to any of us if you need anything… even though some of us aren't here all that much anymore."

"Yeah I know but it doesn't always make up for not having a mom. Sometimes I wish she were here. I wish she could see me; that I could know her. Would she be proud of me?"

With tears starting to form in the corners of his eyes, Jack put his arm around Amy and replied, "Yes Amy. She would be so proud of you and I bet she's looking down from Heaven all the time, _so_ happy and _so_ proud of her little girl."

A/N: If you're reading this, you hopefully successfully got through my longest chapter. I'm so sorry that it was so long… I didn't see any place that would be a good spot to break it off and make another chapter. Please give me some feedback and once again my most sincere apologies for this chapter being so long!


	4. Chapter 4

Disclaimer: I don't own them even though I wish I did.

A/N: I just wanted to take a second to thank my reviewers... you guys are great. Thanks especially to mistylee and missy3252. All of you guys are great and thanks for all the postive feedback!! Just so you know since I got the main reason for my story over with, the last few chapters are going to be just some more memories of the past and a little boring in my opinion. But I'm just tying up the loose ends...

Chapter 4 

Eventually the group came out of their "Jen-trance" enough for Dawson, Joey and Pacey to bid Amy one last happy birthday and leave.

It had started to rain while they were inside and since Dawson had chosen to walk, Pacey offered him a ride back to his mom's house. Dawson was hesitant to accept.

"Come on man, it's not like it's out of our way. We're neighbors now," Pacey coaxed bringing up the point that he and Joey lived in Jen and Grams' old house now. When they had bought it almost 10 years ago they had said there were just too many memories in there and no one else deserved to live there – they wouldn't know how to handle all of them.

Dawson accepted and on the short ride back to the houses the three old friends talked more about their high school memories of Jen.

"Remember when she was a cheerleader and they raffled off a kiss from her?" Joey asked.

"Oh man, that was priceless. Henry Parker paid – what was it? – a hundred bucks just to kiss her," Dawson laughed.

"What ever happened to Henry?" Pacey asked. "I haven't heard from him since we contacted him just after Jen died."

"Last time I knew he was part of a huge construction company in Alabama," Dawson answered.

Pacey nodded in acknowledgment. "I remember the first time she took me to New York on Senior Skip Day," Joey added. "It was so big… I'll never forget that trip as long as I live."

They were nearing the houses and as Pacey pulled up to his and Joey's house, Evie ran out with Kyle tagging along behind her. "Mommy, Daddy, you're back!" little Kyle shouted with glee. "I missed you!"

"Hey guys," Pacey greeted, swinging his son into his arms, "Where's Aunt Bessie? I thought you were staying at the B&B with her."

"We were but she had the time so she brought us back here… she's in the house making hot cocoa," answered Evie.

"Okay sweetie," Joey smiled, "Let's get inside… it's FREEZING out here!" She put her arm around her daughter and walked toward the house while inviting Dawson to stop by later as he headed in the opposite direction toward his mom's house. As she climbed the steps to the enclosed porch, Joey couldn't help but have another memory, this time of the elderly lady who once owned the house she now called home.

Gram had been such a sweet lady… after Joey had gotten over her fear of her. It was a shame that she wasn't there anymore. Grams had passed away a few months after Jen. The breast cancer had left her too weak and vulnerable and when she came down with a common cold, it had quickly escaladed to pneumonia. Joey sighed, she would always miss Grams but there were also so many memories.

"Are you okay, Mommy?" Evie asked when she heard Joey sigh.

"Yeah sweetie, I was just remembering…"

"There seems to be a lot of that today… what is it this time?"

"Grams…"

Ahh…" Pacey said, immediately thinking about the sweet old lady who was like the grandmother he never had. After she died and Joey got pregnant the first time they swore that if it was a girl, she would carry Gram's name. Nine months later, Evie Lynn was born.

Pacey shook his head. There were so many memories from the past; they couldn't remember them all in one day if they tried. "Come on Daddy," Kyle urged pulling his father's hand, "Aunt Bessie said we could have the hot cocoa when you and Mommy got home."

Pacey swung his son onto his shoulders and smiled as the little boy giggled. "Okay Buddy, let's go get that cocoa.

A/N: Just in case anyone is confused... I used the same concept Mitch and Gail used to name Lily when I named Pacey and Joey's daughter (Evelyn - Evie Lynn)... One more chapter… please leave me some feedback!!


	5. Chapter 5

Disclaimer: I don't own Dawson's Creek or any of its characters no matter how much I wish I did.

A/N: I'm having a little bit of an issue finishing this thing… let me know what you think and if you don't like it, I'll write an alternate ending.

Chapter 5 

Amy laid in bed that night thinking about her day. She had never guessed that that day would lead to seeing her mom's video. She hadn't even known there was a video! It was kind of cool seeing her mom on video talking to her, but sad too.

She wished Jen were still alive. Everyone had told her so much about her mom but it still wasn't the same. Sometimes she wished she had a mom so much that it hurt. Amy did love Jack, Doug and everyone else but it still wasn't the same. Every time she went to Carmen or Karen or Abby and Alisha's house she saw the love and attention they got from their mothers and she couldn't help but feel jealous. Why did Jen have to die and leave her?

Amy rolled over and sighed. Jack let her keep the movie in her room. He said it was hers and she didn't have a right to keep it from her anymore. In the dim light she could see it on her desk where she had set it. Maybe tomorrow she'd watch it again. She'd have to tell her friends about it – it was obvious that they'd ask – but she couldn't let them see it. It just wasn't something she was willing to share – not yet.

"Someday," she thought, "I'll show it to them and brag about how much my mom loved me before she died." It brought her some comfort – knowing how much Jen cared; it made her feel so warm and happy. The fifteen-year-old smiled and slowly closed her eyes and drifted off to sleep.

A/N: Well that's the end… what do you think? I'm not sure if I like this chapter so let me know if it's good and if enough people don't I come up with something else. Also just so you all know I'm planning a sequel based on Joey, Pacey and their family but I'm not sure when I'll have it up.


	6. Alternate Ending

Alternate Ending

A/N: As requested I wrote an alternate ending. I'm leaving both endings up for a while then I might delete the old one. Let me know if this one's any better but I do like this one more. I hope you like this one better PaceyW'sgirl and anyone else who wanted a different ending.

After seeing Dawson, Joey and Pacey to the door, Doug returned to the living room where Amy and Jack were still discussing Jen.

"- and she had her own radio show in college," Jack was saying.

"Really?"

"She sure did and she volunteered at something called the _Helpline_ too. It was one of those hotlines for people with a crisis they needed help with."

Doug couldn't help but cut in. "Geez Jack, with everything you guys have said about Jen today, it's kind of hard to picture her as an instigator and 'bad person,'" Doug said quoting the last part with his fingers. Jack glared at him, not wanted to talk about that side of Jen, not yet anyway.

"Yeah Dad, you all said that Mom wasn't always a good person. What did she do that was so bad?"

Jack took a deep breath, "Well Honey, I didn't really want to talk about that today but since you want to know, I'll tell you. You're old enough to hear this and your mom wouldn't want me to keep anything about her past from you."

"This sounds bad," Amy commented, not sure if she really wanted to hear what was about to be said.

"Amy, if you don't want to hear this right now we can save it for another day," Jack offered, hoping she wouldn't want to hear it. He hated dredging up this part of Jen's past.

"No Dad, it's okay. I want to hear it and I think my imagination will run away with me if I don't know. Besides, it's not like she killed anyone right?" Jack and Doug looked at each other but were silent. "Guys… right?"

"Well Amy, here's the thing your mom didn't _kill_ anyone but she was with someone when she died and didn't do anything to stop it."

Amy gulped. "What happened?"

"Well one day in our sophomore year, your mom and a friend of hers, Abby Morgan, decided to crash a wedding that Aunt Joey's family was catering. Aunt Andie saw them and kicked them out but they stole a bottle of champagne and went to the docks. They both got really drunk and Abby fell and hit her head. Before your mom had a chance to react, Abby lost her balance and fell into the creek. She drowned."

"That wasn't really her fault though. She couldn't have stopped it, not really," Amy pointed out.

"That's true," Jack replied, "but there was another time when your mom could have really killed someone."

"Who? What happened?"

"I'll tell you this one but no more. It's getting late."

"Okay."

"This time it happened in our senior year. One of your mom's friends from New York - Drue Valentine - moved here. He threw your mom a birthday party so he could meet new people. As a present, Drue gave her two Ecstasy pills and even though she knew better, she accepted them. A few weeks later, we went to our first rave. Your mom showed Aunt Andie the drugs and told her how good they made you feel. Aunt Andie took one and she had a bad reaction because of her other medication. She almost died." Jack paused for a moment. "Sweetie are you okay?" he asked because of the look of disbelief on Amy's face.

"Then Mom really was a bad person?" she asked tearfully.

"No Honey. Think about all the good things you've heard about her. Can you honestly call her bad because of one little thing?"

"Well no but then again, she did almost _kill_ your sister."

"Yes she did and it took me a while to forgive her for that - but I did. That's the important thing - I didn't hold a grudge and I let her back into my life. I'm so glad I did that… I would have missed so much if I hadn't. I wouldn't even have you…" Jack trailed off with a far away look in his eyes.

"Okay guys, enough with the memories from the past." Doug put in, "It's so depressing, not to mention, I had nothing to do with anything that happened back then."

"It's okay, Doug. It's not your fault you were older than everyone else." Amy replied, lightening the mood a little. She turned to Jack. "So Dad, do I get to keep the tape now?"

"You sure do, Amy. It's yours and now that you've seen it, I can't keep it - I don't have a right to."

"Cool."

"Are you going to show it to your friends?" Doug asked.

Amy thought a minute before answering. "Not right away. I'll tell them what happened today but even if they ask I'm not letting them see it. I want to keep it for myself for now."

"Whatever you decide is fine," Jack smiled, "But I think we've had enough sitting around. We need to get dinner and then go bed. It's getting late and tomorrow's a school day." With that Jack and Doug stood up and headed for the kitchen. Doug noticed Amy wasn't following.

"Are you coming?"

"She smiled, "Yeah, I'll be right there." Amy watched her parent disappear into the kitchen. She stood up and walked over to the wall covered with pictures and stopped in front of one showing Jen holding her. Jack told her it was taken the day Jen had returned to Capeside for Gail's wedding. It was a beautiful day and both mother and daughter looked so happy. Amy reached up and lovingly touched her mom's face. "I love you, Mom," she whispered. Then she headed into the kitchen.

THE END

A/N: Was this better? Please review.


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